Tribute to a Mum who devoted her entire life to looking after her family and taking care of each of their needs till the last breath she had in this world.


23th November 2007


To my beloved late mother:

You will always be in my heart, wherever you are, wherever I will be. I used to not believe in afterlife, now I want to. Because I want to know that you're happy there. Promise me, Mum, that you will not forget me. For I want to be your daughter again in my next few lives. As much as it is really painful to see you leave, I will live my life to its fullest. And there will be a day where I can relay my life stories to you, somewhere. Wait for me mum, wait patiently for that day to come. It will not be as soon as you hope, but I really want you to wait for me. I never want you to be alone, neither do I want now. When the time comes, I will have many things to tell you. I'll lie on the bed beside you and tell you my life encounters like how I used to everyday after a day of hard work in school. Where you would always listen, giving me opinions time after time.

I know I haven't been a good daughter, I know half your life was spent looking after me, getting me back on to the right track. You never had enjoyed life since you were 19. Maybe you did, cos you once said we're your pride and you find happiness watching us grow up to who we are now. There are many things I have not done and said for/to you. I do have regrets now. But I will not reprimand myself for them. I will live my life meaningfully for you.

I want to tell the world that I have not lost you. For you're not only in my heart but around me as well. I feel your presence, I feel you looking at me.

Forgive me for those tears I shed despite knowing you will not be happy when you see me in that state.
Forgive me for not being a good daughter as one should be.
Forgive me for crying my heart out at the thought of you leaving me forever.
Forgive me for missing you so much.
Forgive me for trying hard to laugh to make myself happier.
Forgive me for isolating myself from others to be with you.
Forgive me for turning down all my friends to feel that I have a company.
Forgive me for attempting to be with you, to be your companion.
Forgive me for wanting to see you everytime when I'm alone.
Forgive me for hoping to see you in my dreams every night I sleep.
Forgive me for feeling dejected now as I type all these.
Forgive me for feeling my heart ache at this moment,
because I still choose to believe that you haven't left me at all.


I cry and cry,
I cry myself to sleep every night,
I cry all the time when everything I see, hear, smell or feel reminds me of you.
I cried my heart out,
hoping that those tears will bring you back to my side.


I can't join you now, Mum. I still have Dad to take care of. I still have many things undone. I still have my dreams to live. Until the day I know that Dad will be taken care of, until the day I accomplished every I had task in my life, until the day I have had my dreams achieved, I will find my way to the realm of yours. Then, I will be able to do those things I didnt have the chance to. Then, I can see you again. And by then, you will never be alone anymore.


I have many things to say, but I will leave it till that day to tell you personally.








As the last chapter of your life ends with tears from your loved ones, our lives from then on begins with a smile in loving memory of you.



I Love You, Mum, from the bottom of my heart.








With undying love,
From your youngest daughter.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY VAL!

Its supposed to be on the 9th Nov. But I couldnt post and entry on that day. The girl's finally 17 yo. ((: Sorry for being late man. Only manage to come online like, now. SO SORRY VAL.

HAPPY 17th!


lovelove!
---

Enjoying every single day; without you in my heart.


Give me some more time, I will be able to look into your eyes. And those eyes will tell you that I've stop holding on to that nothing. I will stand tall and be proud that I've let you go. Its been 5 months. I know its not long but somehow it feels like I've been thru a century of mental torture. And I am glad that all will be over and I can be happy again. Perhaps being single can be a blessing, I am enjoying every minute of waiting for the right one to appear. (:


Shocking news that I heard today and the dream I had last night made me feel like blogging. As for what news I heard today I shall keep it P&C. Nothing good or bad. It just decides whether a person can be happier or stay the same. My dream? Haha, sweet dream I'd say. Really sweet. It is possible, but its not the right time. (:


Thursdays are tutorial days. And a very long exhausting day. But I'd pulled thru yet another Thursday! =D While everyone in my class ends the week of school on Thurs, mine will be as usual, FRIDAY. Its okay! I love school. ((:


Alright, I guess thats all I have to say. I need my beauty sleep!







I love the way my heart feels so light and free.