No one ever saw me like you do
All the things that I could add up too
I never knew just what a smile was worth
But your eyes see everything without a single word

'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be
I never know what you see

But there's somethin' in the way you look at me
If I could freeze a moment in my mind
It'll be the second that you touch your lips to mine
I'd like to stop the clock, make time stands still

'Cause, baby, this is just the way I always wanna feel
I don't know how or why I feel different in your eyes
All I know is it happens every time


The way you look at me






LABELS: Where'd you go

Please, stop this pain.


I cannot take it anymore. I've totally lost myself. I don't know what to do now. Someone tell me. It always happens at this time- night. My weakest point of time. I'm losing control. I dont know how much longer I can hold. Where's my pillar of strength. I lost it too. Just let me be. I'll be fine once again come dawn.





LABELS: Baby don't you break my heart slow.

原来爱情这么伤


我睁开眼睛却感觉不到天亮
东西吃一半莫名其妙哭一场
我忍住不想时间变得更漫长
也与你有关否则又开始胡思乱想

我日月无光忙得不知所以然
找朋友交谈其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上现在空了一个地方

原来爱情这么伤比想象中还难
泪水总是不听话幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强道理全是一样
说的时候很简单爱上后却正巧打乱

只想变的坚强强到能够去忘
无所谓悲伤只要学会抵抗

原来爱情这么伤
原来爱情是这样这样峰回路转
泪水明明流不干瞎了眼还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完思念的一场战

回过头再看一看 原来爱情那么伤
下次还会不会这样





LABELS: My love.

Love can be so, fragile.

I GOT MY ADAPTER ALREADY((: Thank you DADDIO! Dad got it for me. LALALALA. I'm using my own laptop now. Happy. Organising class chalet. I didnt know it can cause so much headache. But thank god I have Kelsen to help me. ((: Thank you kelly!

Its tentatively fixed on the 10th to 12th Sept. Downtown East Costa Sands. BBQ food. Booking of units. GOSH. I know I'm free now but, my goodness. So manythings to do and so little time. I have kelly to suffer with me. LOL.

Today's weather's too good to be out of the bed. Msged Sweetheart and Darl and bet both were still sleeping. LOL. When finally replied, I was right. Cos I, too, was sleeping like a pig. =x


Alright, have to carry on with the chalet thing. I'm enjoying it thou.


Sis, Cheer up okay? Dont worry. Everything will be fine. You trust me, don't you? No worries. Look on the bright side okay? (:




Where'd you go, I miss you so.





LABELS; So much more to say, its just feels so right.

There's love, still.

I'mma happy girl. Happy again, happy still, will be happy always always. (((: Ask me why ask me why. HURRY ask me why. heh heh. Sweetheart and Darl might know. la la la la. No more thinking Adel, so childish of you plsss. But hey, i'm just overly concern. Its good in a way luhh. See how much you mean to me? See? THAT MUCH, THIS MUCH, SO MUCH. Open up your both hands, yes, that much. I learnt. I treasure, I really will.


Bro and friends over for mahjong game. Still talking to Kelsen online. That idiotic one. Sucha pain in the ass on the phone AND online la. haha. NO MORE PHONECALLS KELLY! Kidding luh. Discussing class chalet and I'm proud to say that we're almost done with the researching and market evaluation. SERIOUSLY reminds me of RHT. kns. Uploading tons of songs into my phone and I wanna share with everyoneeeee!

Cos I am happy tonight. Cos you made me happy again. You and you, yes. ((: HOLIDAYSSSSS! Say goodbye to darn PROJECTS and EXAMS. Its time to enjoy again. LOL.



where were you when i needed you?
you knew you're the only one.
The only one I wanna hear from.
Many reasons you gave.
But I just hope to hear the truth.
You know I won't mind.
You know I'll love you still.
Cos I wont let go.
If only you believe.





LABELS: Anytime, you will find me here.

为什麼我难过只肯让你安慰 .

Finally exams are over. Time to play and relax? Perhaps. No, not elated at all.

Town after exams today. Sis called and asked to meet. Since was in town, i can have company home. ((: Andrea, Pearlyn, Timomo, Jan, Kelly and Sarah were heading down town too. Bus ride was hilarious. LOL. Went over taka to meet - . Then Sis at Taka. Super hungry man,

Ok, I'm trying to paragraph my entry. SEE CHERLY LIM, I'm PARAGRAPHING my entries! TSK. haha. That idiot says reading my blog can really fall asleep. THEN DONT READ LAAA!

Just reached home.



If you wanna go, leave me a reason.
So that I will know.




LABELS: MY PRIDE

My Past Love.

I kinda have this feeling that you still do read my blog. Don't ask me why, I don't know. Probably you're still holding on to the past. But don't, please. Just don't. Not when you know there's no turning back. Not when you know its all the past. I can't return, not anymore. I know I just left without a word, without giving you any acceptable explanation. Let me tell you why. because I had none. No good enough a reason to explain why I did all that. I didnt know what to do. But it was definitely not for another. I wouldnt do that. Maybe the other triggered it. Made me realise there wasnt anymore love. I looked far, I couldnt see any future with you. You knew from the start, we both knew. - Its has to end. It wasnt an issue to us before, but I came to realise I am not willing. So I gave you up. I didnt look back, at all. I was ruthless, I know. Again, no explanation for that. Cos I was just doing what I wanna do. Selfish, like all said, but that was the only way to move on. You gotta agree with me. I know I could have given some leeway.

The bouquet you gave me, it came too late. Really late. Why did you thought of the item that I loved most only at the very last minute when you know you have to do smth to make me stay? I gave us a chance still, I accepted the bouquet and asked myself. How did I felt. Downright disappointed. Not a single bit of happiness and love. I dont wanna spell out every single event that took place. I dragged it for a year. It was time to put an end to it, and I did.

I did a bad job I know. But aint it the only way to make you hate me?

Don't live those memories, they are just memories. Put them behind you and keep just keep them. It isnt something nice to remember in the first place. I dont have the right to decide for you I know. I've decided to blog specially bout this cos I kinda thought its time for clarification. Is it too late? Its been 9 months, goodness. So many things happened within this period of time. Good and bad, most bad I think, love life wise. You can say this is my retribution I dont mind, its true anyway. I always believed karma exists. And it's happening to me now. Its painful but its okay. I'm willing to take all this shit I'm facing now.

I didnt reply to every single of your messages, I didnt want to. Ego. I dont wanna have to tell you how screwed up my life is, I don't see a need. You can see it for yourself clearly. Dont ask me. I cannot put down my pride to tell you anything thats happening. You must be asking yourself, " ta1 ye3 hui4 you 3 jin1 tian1" Yeap, my day has arrived. Pain, but I'm willing to take it. Cos I know it worth it. Look at how we started, you will den know why am I so determined now.

All in all, I'm sorry for everything. How much a "sorry" worth, you decide.


So many things to say, but I dont know how to continue from here. We should know better. And maybe, just maybe, you're just allowing the memories to linger, you're not holding on anymore. I certainly hope so.






LABELS: Turn back time, I'll still take this path.

Hurts, but so what?

Over at min's to visit. ((: Talked about her love life and all. Going strong, doing good. ha. Suppose to study but you know, I can't study outside. So the notes were all redundant somehow. -_-" Decided to come online and blog.

InHT paper was pretty fine. But I dont wanna speak to soon man. =x As usual, question was a little more dificult to comprehend as compared to normal times. You-know-why. Biz-parked a little while after paper. Went off to print val's notes den Hg Mall-ed to meet mum. Compasspoint to meet mins after that. Met Maylene and talk cock ALOT. LOL. Funny shit la all. Cam-whored but none of them look good. Must be Mins. HAHA. Shit, she's sleeping beside me now and I'm suppose to keep her awake. ((:

Its been long since I came over lah. Bet her mum, my half-mother already luh, missed me like how my mum missed mins. She's kinda thick-skinned luh. Keep asking my mum if she misses her. GOD. LOL.


I miss the laughters of S.C


I know whats going on. But I've decided to keep quiet. Cos I still love.


This is one of the nights where I missed you so much but cant find a way to let you know.

Ok, gonna stop here for now.




LABELS: Because I still treasure.

MUG MUG MUGGING.

My, I feel the tension man. Everyone's mugging. Hmmm, came online to get notes. FnB revision lec tmr at 9am. Think I shld sleep now. (:



You're important to me.
How much do you believe,
that I cannot force.
There's no superficials,
I see none.
Cos if there is eventually,
Its gonna hurt alot. Alot.
After this period,
everything's gonna be the same.
Say yes, they will be.
If in anyway you're offended by me,
my apologies.
But do tell me.
Let me know where had I gone wrong.
I'd really like to know.
So that I can be a friend again.




LABELS: At last.

Insecurities, dont lead me away.


Dont mistake my intentions please. Dont have to read beyond and I dont have underlying meanings behind my previous post. When I say thank you, I mean thank you. No sacarsm if you happen to feel any. I cherish all my friends and I really do. Its gonna really hurt if anyone misread it and gets offended. And I know words are only words, I can say it a thousand, million time yet I dont mean it, but I mean it when I say you guys are important. I've been trying really hard not to think too much or be overly-sensitive but I really cant help it when paranoia sets in and makes me think otherwise. Let time prove me wrong. Let time tell me that I'm being too paranoid. And of course, if there's smth wrong with me or anything that you guys are not happy with, be sure to tell me. I really won't know if no one tells me. I wouldnt bother if its any one else seriously. If anything bad's gonna happen, it'll hurt more than anything else, including the pain that love has inflicted on me. yeap, thats all. I hope all's well.




LABELS: Loved ones.

Reminisce the past.


I miss those days where I feel so attached to a group of friends and a place I feel a sense of belonging. I'm starting to ask myself if those friendship ever exist now. Yes, I do have a clique of four(: But what abt the rest? In a clique, you will always have friends from outside, close ones. Am I suppose to have some too? I thought it wasnt essential till I see what's happening to me. Being too obsessive isnt good, thats what Alvin told me the other time. Right, maybe I should think about it. I definitely loathe superficial friendships. Those where you only hang out with them for the sake of companionship of just merely making up the numbers. Perhaps I ask for too much in a friend, but this is the first time I'm feeling this way. Or probably I should try being a loner. I hate to cherish a friendship so much yet people dont reciprocate. That sucks. I shld learn to not put in so much.

For that, I gotta thank Val and Pris for giving me a reason to stay happy. ANYWAY, study hard all! Mug hard now and we'll play later(: Wont blog for a week or so. I wanna get my grades. Take care all. EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS...






LABELS: Friendships.

yeap, nothing changes, I'm trying. I'm good at running away. And I have the tendency to do that. Its just in me but this time I'm gonna face it, not avoid it. I don't know what the future holds and I cannot substantiate anything now. You know you are more than just that, what more? I dont know. I don't have an answer for this. Maybe I will, just not any time soon. Like I said, I'm very very comfortable with you and I dont want it to change. But I wanna know why the comfy and the reason behind my dilemma. Thats for me to know.



I don't wanna run away.




LABELS: I can play pretend.

When there are times I just wished I could lean on you.
You have to know I cannot let things remain as it is.


The moment I open up, things are bound to change and I accept it. I hope you, too, can accept the change. I will try to make things stay the way the are ( the kind where you and i just enjoy each other's company). But at the end of the day, you have to know that he's the one in my heart. Blunt as I may be, I just wanna set things straight from the start. Don't assume from now on. Just ask. You may be only noticing her at that time but I could tell that there's a distraction that caused you to think that you can let her go. So now tell me, how could you not know what was going on?

You don't have to tell me how yoiu're feeling inside now. Cos I know. I may be wrong, but I'd still prefer to stick to what I think. (:


When all I think of is him alone, when the cause of all my down moments is him.



LABELS: gerz_rulez@hotmail -you didnt know.

Ambiguity.
Sometimes things are better left unsaid.

Story? Here you go.

You saw through me too. In fact, long ago. But it was the insecurity in you that stopped you from confirming. All, I could tell. But I chose to keep quiet. Cos I know I cant give anything. Only words. Its only fair to not make it known. It'll be unfair to you. Cos my heart's with someone else and I actually knew it'll be with him for long. Never once intended to get it back. I don't know what I did all that in the past. You made me rely on you, too much. To an extent where I no longer able to understand how I'm feeling inside. Everything's just, messed up. But I managed to sort them out. Only recently. Did you see thru my attempts of trying to distance myself and not look into your eyes when talking to you? If you didnt know, I did. I thought it was really obvious. Put you up with someone else so that you wont know what I was trying to do.

And finally, 17th Aug came. I knew the answer lonbg oin my heart but I just cannot decide if I wanna listen to it. I' m not gonna think about it anymore and leave it as it is. I'm just very confortable with you and I dropped many many hints along the way. All you have to do is read beyond, thats when you'll see the whole picture. And then again, I knew you caught them, all. Your refusal to confirm it just made me that "Hey, wake up. You cant do this." If you'd asked me straight and direct, word for word, knowing me, I'd have just tell you if you're right or wrong. You know I'm capable of telling the truth no matter wad'll happen after that.

You caught me at my weakest day and time. Not only today. But all the time when I thought I knew what I was doing. But no, i dont. Its only when I wake up the next day I realise I shouldnt have. You just happen to be there when I'm at my lowest. I dont know if its pufre coincidence or you knew I was down, you just caught me at the right time. So you cant blame me for relying on you so much. I was really attached to you emotionally. Biut I know I cant give you anything more. Yet again, I want you to be there for me all the time. Selfish you may say, but who doesnt want it this way? I'm probably just the few who admits.

I push you away, and draw you back the next min. I know I cannot feel this way. You will only blog about what was supposedly "for me to read beyond" when we dont talk the night before or the entire day. When I wanna know what you're thinking, I will not talk to you at all till I get what i wanna read. Tey dont really make me happy. Cos I know, I cant do anything about it.

I don't want anything to change or stop, but it'll only be fair if I let you choose.

I will continue tonight..
Halfways sucks. But I know its essential.

I cannot decide, I really can't.

I don't wanna think, anymore. Leave things as they are. I will let go naturally if I can, I dont wanna force myself anymore. Cos the moment I look into your eyes, I melted. The more I tell myself to not feel for you, the more I feel that you're the one.


ANYWAY,
Today's totally AWESOME. Went down CS to get dry ice for the home-made cake. (: Rushed home again to get all the stuff den down to pick Sweetheart den off to Fish&Co @ Bugis. Seriously if val wasnt there with me I'd lost my way man. HAHA. kns. Got kinda stressed when the cake started to.. You know. Met up with the rest and dinner-ed. Will upload pics when darl send to me. Puyuan (Gary) was made to stand on the chair and we sang him birthday song. :D Crapped and talked till Puyuan took out the huge bottle of Jellybeans out to munch. LOL. Funny la he.

Down to town after dinner. the guys paragon-ed while the girls centrepoint-ed. HAHA. Puyuan had to collect things form his boss at paragon and BJ had to drop smth at centrepoint. So there. All met at cine. Wanted to Kbox, but some reasons doesnt permit us to. Decided to go down esplanade.l Bus-ed down. Took them for a long walk and Puyuan complained cos the bottles I gave him was heavy. LOL. SORRY man. =/ Sat along the sides of Esplanade.Took photos and went off after awhile. No cabs wanna pick us luh. waited for almost an hour till I couldnt take it anymore and decided to call for one. HAHA. Split up and we have didi with us. Merc cab we've got. Picked didi's Shifu ( WeiQiang) up at Tamp Mall and the fare was alr 35bucks when Didi and WQ alighted. HAHA. CHAMPION US. Total cabfare was 41 bucks pls!!! ULTIMATE. The most expensive cabfare I ever had. GOSH. Night time robbery. LOL!

Damn tired now. Will add on if I rmb anymore things that took place today. Gonna KO soon. Gonna sleep and sleep sleep sleep tmr man! LOL. Went for Econs tutorial just for attendance. Only found out yst 2am plus that my attendance reached 85% alr and I cannot miss anymore. Dragged myself and Val off the bed and off to school. SAFRA to bowl after lessons. Thought I lost touch on bowling but overall was kinda alright. Went home and nap till sep called.

I know this entry's a little disorganised la. But i'm really tired. Will rearrange them tmr. Brother's friends are coming over for mahjong and that means noise noise and more noise. SIAN-ed.


ALRIGHT, thats all. GOODNIGHT!


Time and time again you make me feel that all I need is you.

again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PUYUAN! <3



LABELS: I still want you.

Just friends.

普通朋友


等待 我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱
我猜
你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊

多无奈
我愿意改变(what can i do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me chance)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说

i only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在
你心中只是 just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来

so i
我不能只是be your friend
i just can't be your friend
no,no,no,我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARY! ((:







<3s!

Clarification #1 : FROM VAL

- aiyoh, theres nth to be pissed bout of ur booklet lah. haha, dont worry lah.

HAPPY to hear that. Really. :D
This made me feel that I shldnt stop trying.

Knowing more than you should.

Showed you guys the little book which has many many things inside that you guiys didnt know. I knew it'll cause confusions and anger but all I wanna say is everything is not as it seems. To go back to particular dates and be at that situation will only then make you guys understand why I did all that. Come and ask me if you think there's a need. I'll give you an answer to every single one of them. Things are simple, if only you look at them properly. Maybe this caused you guys to lose trust or doubt me, but I really cant do anything if you dont bother to find out why. So like I saed, ask me. If you think there's no need cos it doesnt matter, tell me.


Its really obvious that I'm not as close to you guys anymore. Or maybe I shld say you both are closer in a way. Yeap, I have to be fair and I have to understand this is what happens in a clique consisting of 3 girls and a guy. What do I do when i feel leftout and feel unbelonged? Just leave it? Maybe you guys didnt realise but its okay. Its pretty unimportant. I was proud of us that we can still be close without a clique in a clique but unknowingly, one was left out. And I happen to be the one. I really was hoping you guys to ask me all about the events that I wrote in the book but none of you came forward. Positive?-there's no need to, its all the past. Negative?-Cant be bothered already, wanna act? We'll do the same. Dont give me a death sentence immediately, even a person who committed murder will be allowed trials.

You guys mean alot to me. But how much I am to you all, I really dont know. I hope we'll be as open as always and dont hide anything from me. Got a problem? Be open about it. Keeping them to yourselves will worsen things. Isnt this what we thought all along?

I tried to close the gap but I will be tired sometimes. I dont want to be the only one trying. Its really straining. But nonetheless I gotta really say thank you to you guys for helping me so much. In any and every way. Never once regret telling people that I'm from Sexy.C though.

This is how I feel. It may be just my sensitivity and assumption. Dont read too much into it. Everything is just as it is. As simple. I promise.





LABELS: Transparency.

我爱你不是爱给别人看.

I will show that you mean nothing to me.


4279. As much as everyone knows how much you mean to me, I'm gonna make you think that you're nothing to me. Not a single of your everything will affect me. I'm gonna stop letting you know how much I feel for you. You'll just be a friend to me, just like everyone else. (:

Commskills presentation today. Now we're all busy in RHT lab. LOL. Busy with what? I dont know. All i know is the tutor's not around. (: I gotta say this presentation's the best one I ever did so far. hoho.

Econs lecture later on at 2pm. Sians. Feel like sleeping. Gotta start taking out the * in my fridge.
I WANNA GO HOME AND SLEEEEEEEEP. Tutor's back. Double sian-ness. LOL. Nothing much to blog. Cont' tonight. (:





LABELS: I'll play pretend.

SexyClique <3

Intended to skip InHT lecture today but got "pulled" by Sweetheart. Dragged my ass off the bed and didnt touch my face at all. So I was make-up(less) today. Thought I looked really pale and ugly. ): Was a little late for lecture but Pras, as always, was nice. (: Miraculously Gary came for lec. LOL. Got suan-ed by Sweetheart. Darl and Alvin was late late. haha. Was feeling tired and lethargic thruout the day.

PoM tutorial and RHT lecture ( went for the sake of main exam ). Everyone was being shameless, normal lecture only 1/10 of the LT filled. Last revision lec for the sem? FULL HOUSE. How shameless. LOL.

Design school after lecture. For once not Bizpark. But I still prefer bizpark.

OH, Did I mentioned that Darl and I forgot our wallets today? -_- Didnt realise till we reached school. How dumb.. All meals on Alvin and a little from sweetheart today. LOL. Didnt eat in school so I can look forward to coming home for food. HAHA. Commskills presentation prep.


Sexy.C came over for dinner. Watched movie while I do my stuff. Lotsa laughters today and I gotta say I totally love it today. :D Hope there'll be more in future. HILARIOUS. Laughed at design school over the MAGIC WAND that commands ***** to standdddd. HAHAHA. Funny shit. Had fun polluting Shining's mind too. LOL. That innocent girl. :/


To summarize today, AWESOME. ((:
I love my clique mans! <3s!




LABELS: I've got my pride. I will make you seem to mean nothing to me.

My Love.



Looking back from where we first met, I cannot explain and I cannot forget. Baby you're the one, You still turn me on. You can make me whole again.


Before i begin, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHIBIN (:

After a long day of lecs and tutorials, went town with Sweetheart and Darl to meet Sep, Dinny and BJ at Centrepoint. BJ had to work, the rest of us went down to The Cathay with plans in our heads but didnt manage to get it done. Was kinda disappointed but felt bad for making everyone come all the way. So, treated everyone to Ben&Jerry's ice cream, MERLIONSTERRR. =D Hafiz came a little later and all went Adidas to just sit in a circle deciding what to get. Funny la pls. Had fun along the way with Dinny. Val just had to jack Dinny and went Dinny retaliate, Val crashed. LOL.

NEL-ed down to Hg to get my things and all came over to my place to do something. AWESOME. Laughters and more laughters filled the house and evrything was done nicely. (: Glad. Mum cooked Chilli crab but all had to leave. Take-aways for them den. =D Sent them to their bus stops and here I am.

Something Dinny said kinda woke me up a little but I had an explanation for all that. I'm glad I had. Just wanna end everything nicely to the best of my ability? Is it what I'm thinking? Is it what I really want? 17th's drawing near and I think everything wouldnt be as expected. But well, we shall see. Whether or not I'm moving on depends on that day. This is so much time I'm giving myself to decide. I'll be doing all I can. Cos this is the furthest and most I can go. Till then, I'll not think about it.


I'll pen down every single event that took place and the memories I'll be keeping with me. I'll pen them down and return them all to you. Just know that if I ever let go, it is not that I dont love you anymore, it will be bcos I love you too much to be holding on.




ALRIGHT, I'd better go do my part for commskills before Darl really decide to kill me. Ciao! (:







LABELS: Your presence just make everything of me not function.

What a way to spend a Sunday afternoon ): bored bored bored. Woke up at 7+ am. DIARRHOEA. -_-" Wonder wads the cause. Sianed. Went in and out of the toilet 5 times. TMD. Wobbly legs and my butt hurts. HA. Val's at home rotting and Pris' out for Rush Hour 3 with fam. I wanna watch that too man. Boo. Reckon I'll fall asleep in another half and hour. I like the nua-ness at home without the boredom, that is.

Oh man, my tummy's acting up again. DAMN. I need the ------ NOW! haha. Shall be back to disturb Val after i'm done. LOL.


to be continued...

Forlorn of all hope.


I would love to turn back time, and look at what I've done to make things end up like that. Mere paranoia? Or is it really happening. Thou I choose to believe the first, I can't help it if its the second. I'm prepared for everything. Whatever it is, I tried my best. If it persists, there's really nothing I can do 'cept being upset and feeling stupid. Everybody's leaving. If even my closest friends choose to forsake me... It isnt good to be overly-sensitive, but neither it is to be not. You might be missing out on the part that's gonna change ur life and even before you knew, it came slamming right on your face. Jaded.




__



Sweetheart and Darl's ill. Get well soon okay loves! I cherish y'all. That shows how much you guys mean to me. Of course, not forgetting Alvin. SexyClique (SparetyreClique, haha!) is very very much treasured by me. <3s!

i will not forget those times when you guys were there for me when i'm at my lowest. Countless consoles and encouragements I got from all of you. They may seem to be just words but they are the ones who got me this far. Still standing tall and strong. My pillar of strength I gotta say, so tell me, what do I do without you guys? What'll happen to me then? I cant make it on my own I'm pretty sure. Be it times where we pissed each other off or times we spent half the day laughing hard, so hard that we teared, I cherish them. I will not run away whenever I feel something's missing, but I thought it'd be good if i made myself scarce. Its alright, I will judge carefully from now on. Till then, GET WELL SOON! (:



LABELS: Just like how flowers wither without water, I will collapse without the sexys.

When those tears start to fall.


I know when I see those tears, I'm at my limit. And again I know, after those tears, I'll be fine again. Tell me how dumb can this get.

Don't tell me how much I mean to you, maybe I dont even mean a thing. Dont tell me anything you dont mean. I'm just a friend that comes along with another. Maybe I'm wrong, but that is exactly how I'm feeling now. Fucked up.



-I'm no superwoman.

Struggling hard, I'm feeling weak inside.

I miss you, so much. Why do I always end up here when I miss you so much yet can't find any ways to let you know. I feel so helpless, so useless. Just three words I couldnt send, just three words you wont understand. Sometimes I just wish I didnt live at all. Probably then, the world will be a better place. I just wanna be someone to you. Someone special or maybe different. I am different to you yes, in a way that's making me miserable. Everything of you just stays in my mind. They linger in there more then they should. I'm already screaming inside, I just hope that you can hear me. Hear me scream your name, hear me say "I need you". You took my breath away. Say you will and I'll never let you go. I'm waiting for that day when you'll be mine, I will cherish you, with all my heart. Do you understand the feeling I feel inside when I cant breathe at the thought of not able to be your love? You make me fall in love deeper each time you look into my eyes. The eyes that I tried so hard to avoid, the face I tried so hard not to steal a glance. I feel so weak whenever you caught my eye, that was when I wish I could tell the world you are mine.

I yearn for that day when I am the only one in your eyes. I dont mind waiting, I just want to keep believing that the day will come. Let me, will you?

__


How much I mean to all of you, I just wonder.










LABELS: My heart, you tore it apart.

Cause trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.


Countless attempts, failed.









LABELS: I don't wanna try anymore.

I am never alone with you in my heart.

I saw the doubt in your eyes, asking me questions that I never seem to understand. Only then I understood, things may change but the heart will not. I wanted to mean everything to you, only to realise that I might have to start finding ways to get in there; your heart. Built with walls around it, I cant break through. Never once did I force my way in, despite. I took a step back, looking at this love I have for you, asking myself why. Your name was the answer I got. Its you I love, your everything. I smiled from deep within when you're around. Your presence alone makes my mind swirl, not knowing what I am doing, spinned and spinned in the love I have for you. Isolating myself away from the world outside, I just wanna be in a dimension filled with your aura. Though, words are only words, it is the only way I can show my love.

The place we went, the times we spent. Everything in my life reminds me of you. Even a walk home from the bus stop was made difficult. Slowed down my pace, allowing you to torture me slowly. Letting myself be reminded of the significant event which did not last long. Little by little, bit by bit, i'm starting to lose myself.

No rush, for I know I have a lifetime to wait.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Gave RHT lab a miss, yes, again. Refuse to get up. Cabbed down to school with sweetheart. Met up with the rest and yadah yadah. I love today. Little wish of mine came true. My day was made and smiled thruout the day though it did not end as good. Not a moment of sian-ness I felt. Thank you sexy.c.(:

Driving practical at night's killing me. Its my 4th lesson already and I getting really stressed. Out on the public road next lesson. I knew I wouldnt perform well today and yeap, I was right. I trust my instincts.

National Day tmr. Shopping with sis at town. (:





` I don't mind if that moment is insignificant to you,
for one insignificant moment is better than a lifetime of not knowing you.

now my Adaptor's gonna cost me 210 buckeroos. so cheap right? nncb.

SO MUCH FOR GETTING A SONY VAIO.

The worthlessness I'm feeling.


Maybe I'm being too sensitive or just mere paranoia. Felt this unimportant-ness I've never felt before. Maybe I don't belong there? Perhaps. All I ask for is a nice and fulfilling every-day spent with my friends. Distanced.


Using my mum's lappy now. Thanks to my careless-ness, I left my laptop adapter in the tutorial room and I couldn't find it in the room this morning. Really sianed. To replace another I will have to take out US$89.99. I cant be bothered to convert this freaking amount. I hate being broke. Cannot do this cannot do that. OKAY, I am NOT complaining. I just don't like this feeling. So restricted. ): But I can survive. Sorry loves, you know I have my reasons.

I just want another adapter. Not used to this Acer com. ): Totally sianed today. InHT lec was sleepy, PoM wad turned off by the fact that I couldnt get my adapter back. Bad headache at town. Sigh. I need my happy pill. Are you my happy pill?

Commskills test tmr and I'm gonna sleep early today. Overslept today but wasnt that late for lec. Went for Pras' sake. -_- Alright, gotta study for tmr's test. Ciao!


AND SOMEONE'S BULLYING MY DAUGHTER MAKING GROUNDLESS ACCUSATIONS. HEY CHRIS, WANNA TALK? I THINK WE NEED TO.




LABELS: Watching you from afar, I've never felt so distant.

Enough is enough.

Okay, that's it. Stop every shit thats going on and I'm adopting the Can't-be-bothered attitude. Whatever it is. The other person dont exist at all. Happy? I'm just making up stories to convince myself and others that I'd given up. It was all bullshit. I've had enough of these nonsense. I just want this whole shit to end. Nobody's gonna bring this issue up and nobody's questioning me. NOBODY. Shut up the fuck up and forget bout this.


Went school for commskills meeting which was apparently unproductive but well, we enjoyed ourselves I would say. Chasing arounds and bullying alvin. FUN. Down to SGH to visit Grandma. Save you the details. Down to Ikea with clique for dinner. Bought the necessaries, shopped till we heard the announcement and I still couldnt decide by then. Panicked and clique decided for me. ((: haha. I still think two bottles very funny. Shall try and see if all can fit into one. HOHO.

Presentation tmr and Val's place after school. Trying out... SECRET. hoho. The thought of tmr's presentation just spoil my entire mood., DAMN. I'm detesting formal wears.

Alright, shall end here. Have to do some reading for tmr's presentation. Crap.





LABELS: Random thought of you just bring a smile across my face.

Put an end to those confusions.

I think I can put that down. Little hints here and there to everyone and I'm sure I'm getting all the cursings and swearings. I hinted alot. But I dont know if anyone of you caught them. I hope nobody did. You cannot blame me, there must be somewhere where I can leak out a little by little here and there. All you have to do is piece them up and then you'll get the whole story. But don't. don't try. Cos i know in the midst of attempting to see the whole picture, I will be bugged and questioned. So when I failed to give all of you the same story, i'll prolly get screwed. So leave me alone till I decide to let any of you know. You guys know me. I MUST tell someone. But I'm trying to keep it to myself before I mess things up further. (: You are near. So near, in fact. So close till I'm getting afraid. Afraid that I'll expose myself without knowing. The rest of you, for your won benefit, please do not assume. I know the person you will assume will NOT be the one. I'm pretty sure about this. So dont make your life and mine difficult. You have a choice, dont read my blog or read and forget it. All I can say is, everything is just as simple. Very simple. Dont read too much into it cos this whole thing can be summarized into one short sentence. How short? I dont know.

I don't want you to go. But I guess its only fair that i let you. Before things start to go haywire, I'd better put an end to it. My apologies for the past few events where I lost control. There might be more of those incidents happening but I promise I will try to contain my rashness.

I dont want to be look upon as just-playing sort. But I cannot avoid that if I continue doing what I'm doing. From tmr, I will stop. Though I'm really enjoying. By 17 Aug, I will know what I want and the step I'm gonna take next. I will be very sure of myself then.

Will you wait? Or maybe not, you shouldnt.




LABELS: Don't go. yet.

Lyrics.


朋友总给我一堆理由
要我别再为你难过
他们只是不懂我
太多爱上你的理由

担心你脆弱

怕你受挫

忘了自己的痛

从很久以前到以后

都坚持爱你没错

其实看著你开心就能足够

只要你回头

你会发现我

不只是你的朋友

擦不掉痛却更明显

你说你要的世界

在很远我不了解

我像个残废

飞不出你的世界

借不到一点安慰

为什么你拼命后退

退到了边界结果我没了知觉

在爱里残废

非弄得伤痕累累

累到我无力再追

回到了原点

原点却又像终点

然后多痛一遍

坐在这角落

心里很多话想说

就是舍不得放手

深爱你的我

早就应该让你自由

知道我以后需要一直往前走

也许是越在乎 越会彼此的伤害

这样的爱情 又算是什么

爱不在 应该让自己从回忆中离开

有时候 对爱有太深太多依赖

好像你失去在这世界

还能够孤单的自由

Dilemma.

You make me no longer know what I want. You messed up everything inside. I don't like it. I thought I knew, but now I don't. I want you so much, but I don't want you to go. Tell me I can have the best of both worlds, someone. I know its wrong, but it just feels so right. No strings attached? Sounds good? But that'll be too selfish of me to do that. how?

and you; i dont know bout you.



ALRIGHT, ANDREA AND VIVI's REALLY CRACKING ME UP.
JOIN THE Dirty Club (DC) and you'll know what I mean.

MEMBERSHIP REQUIREMENT: DIRTY MINDED. (Vivi)
CLUB MOTTO: For the Dirties, By the Dirties, From 2 dirties. (Adel)
CLUB MISSION STATEMENT: Join DC, we promise a different you. (Andrea)


Okay, let me tell you a simple history and establishment of this club.

It started off with just Vivienne (fuckavivi) and Andrea (fuckadreally) whom happened to talk to Adel (fuckadelly) online about ONE dirty issue which involves DC. (you-know-who). Our FnB lecturer. (: Fuckadelly was talking to fuckadreally about saturday's F&B lecture which she and fuckavivi did not attend. Talked and talked till we digress, too much in fact. To the extent where OMG, SHUDDAP, ROFL, LMAO... came out.

I know some catch no balls, so here's my 2nd mode of presentation.


adel. says:
dont forget a neck label
adel. says:
haa
andrea - layne staley; "He is a licensed drinker with the right to be drunk professionally." --> damn LOL. says:
Producer:
Wine Name:
Vintage
Appellation
adel. says:
hhahhhaahhaahahaha
andrea - layne staley; "He is a licensed drinker with the right to be drunk professionally." --> damn LOL. says:
LOL OMFG NECK LABEL
adel. says:
grape variety how ah
adel. says:
he has two grapes on him
adel. says:
hahahaahhahaa
adel. says:
think straight


adel. says:
you haven answer my qns
adel. says:
monday we check his grape variety ok
adel. says:
hahahhahaha
andrea - layne staley; "He is a licensed drinker with the right to be drunk professionally." --> damn LOL. says:
WAH LAU EH
andrea - layne staley; "He is a licensed drinker with the right to be drunk professionally." --> damn LOL. says:
DO YOU WANT TO CARBONIC MACERATE IT AS WELL?!
adel. says:
hahhaahhaa
adel. says:
introduce oxygen sounds good thou
adel. says:
ahahahhahahahaahaa


andrea - layne staley; "He is a licensed drinker with the right to be drunk professionally." --> damn LOL. says:
zomg zomg "my laptop is from hogwarts!"
adel. says:
hahahhaahahahahaah
andrea - layne staley; "He is a licensed drinker with the right to be drunk professionally." --> damn LOL. says:
WAH LAU HHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
adel. says:
they'll den become sparkling grapes
adel. says:
hahhahaahhahahahaa
andrea - layne staley; Join the Dirty Club today! says:
WAH FUCK OMG ADEL SHUDDUP!


andrea - layne staley; Join DC today! says:
DIRTY COCK
andrea - layne staley; Join DC today! says:
EWWWWWWWWWWWWW FUCKANADAN SIAH
adel. says:
never bathe one
adel. says:
hahahahaha
adel. says:
the dick never bathe


andrea - layne staley; Join DC today! says:
SUCKING WILL SPOIL THE GRAPES LOR
adel. Join the Dirty Club. says:
hahahhahhahhaa
adel. Join the Dirty Club. says:
must leave the grape to rot


adel. Join the Dirty Club. says:
eeeeeeeeeeeeee
adel. Join the Dirty Club. says:
andrea so sick so gross worrrr
adel. Join the Dirty Club. says:
adel scared
adel. Join the Dirty Club. says:
hahahaaha
andrea - layne staley; Join DC today! says:
wha eh! you were the one lor!



Then along came VIVI...


adel. says:
i miss ur in2u
adel. says:
lolll
Viv (irrevocably over you.) IATA/Disconnect got *some* on Friday night. Secret <3>


Viv (irrevocably over you.) IATA/Disconnect got *some* on Friday night. Secret <3>adel. says:
HAHAHHAHA
Viv (irrevocably over you.) IATA/Disconnect got *some* on Friday night. Secret <3>adel. says:
THINK STRAIGHTTTT
Viv (irrevocably over you.) IATA/Disconnect got *some* on Friday night. Secret <3 andrea =" DIRTY">


Viv (irrevocably over you.) IATA/Disconnect got *some* on Friday night. Secret <3>

adel. says:
dirty cock????!!!!!
adel. says:
goodnessss


adel. says:
andrea will blow
adel. says:
hahahahaha
Viv (irrevocably over you.) IATA/Disconnect got *some* on Friday night. Secret <3>adel. says:
i mean introduce oxygen



Viv Be part of our Dirty Club (DC)! Membership requirements: A DIRTY MIND. Example: says:
NEVER WOR
Viv Be part of our Dirty Club (DC)! Membership requirements: A DIRTY MIND. Example: says:
DC MEMBERS USE VULGARITIES AS TERMS OF ENDERMEANT
Viv Be part of our Dirty Club (DC)! Membership requirements: A DIRTY MIND. Example: says:
LOL
Viv Be part of our Dirty Club (DC)! Membership requirements: A DIRTY MIND. Example: says:
*ENDEARMENT
adel. Join the Dirty Club. says:
woah
adel. Join the Dirty Club. says:
den you must love me so much


____________________________________________________

Now you get what I mean? HAHA. Laughing to my lappy half the time la. ROFLLMAO. I think this is good when you need some cheering-ups. ((:

Presntation on monday. Formal wear = ): Hope DC doesnt go BLUEEEEEE.




I cannot not have you by my side yet I cannot explain why and how I want things to be then. Say I'm selfish. I AM. I too attached to you. Too emotionally attached, to a point where it confuses me. I needa sort out my thoughts.



17 Aug 2007; I will decide.







LABELS; is it you or is it you?

Life's precious, so precious.

I love you, Granny. Please be strong, don't give up. We're all here for you. Please hang on. :'( Thinking of the past where grandma used to be so energetic. Cooking us our favourites, giving us 2bucks to get ice cream downstairs, constantly nagging at us every minute every sec, telling us we're incorrigible, but we all knew, she loved us alot. The times when I found difficulty to converse in hokkien, she taught me with patience and laughed at me when I pronounced some wrongly. Maybe its too late to tell her that I appreciate all that she'd done, but I really hope she knows. I dont wanna let her go. Say we're selfish. Grandpa made it clear to us that he'll do anything just to make grandma live. Anything. I hate to go to the hospital. It makes me wanna cry. I hate having to control my emotions. I dont want anybody to get affected by me. Thats why I choose to stay away from them. Sigh, I feel so helpless. I dont want anything to happen to her. All I could do was stand by her bed looking at her, not able to do anything.

Gave RHT lab a miss today. Came home only at 0930hrs and lesson's at 11am. Too tired to even bathe and I feel asleep on the sofa immediately. Was freaking tired. Went school at 12 plus. Econs lec and Commskills tutorial. Nothing significant.

Project work after not-so-quick bites. Had lotsa fun with my grp,Vivi's grp and Pearlyn's. Laughters laughters and more laughters. They make me happy. (((:

Met gigglers at sports complex with Alvin after proj meeting which is alrdy 9pm by then. Went lab to look for Gary with Chian tat and ended up writing didi's speech. LOL. Pk and Sep came next telling us that we're suppose to hurry Gary and not sit there with them helping them do their proj. HAHA. Did not have the heart to hurry them when I saw the word STRESS on their faces la. Helping them was the best thing to do then.

All went macs opp school for "dinner" Cabbed back with Val,Didi and Alvin. Something killed me. I just couldnt feel myself at that point of time. Felt so silly yet happy. I'mma screwed up kid la ok. LOL.

I'm happy with things this way. No awkwardness, no nothing. We actually talked when I tried and used all means to avoid having eye contacts let alone talk to him. CRASHED. I was gone the moment I look in to those eyes. Useless me I know. So? At least I enjoy being one. (:

Let things stay this way. Don't let anything change. If it must, make sure its for the better. You know I cannot take it anymore. You know you're my only weakness now.

I wanna study already. But before I can really focus, I must make sure that this issue is under control and nothing will change so as not to affect me like how it did for my mid sem. No more of those craps. I needa buck up.


ALRIGHT, projects kill and still are still killing me. No, i mean us. After this friday, everything's gonna be back to normal. Please tell me I'm right. InHT and Econs due this friday. Tell me how much have we done for econs? (:

Okay, its getting late and I should be sleeping. But no, I'm gonna wait for someone to be done. Or rather, I'm waiting for a "goodnight". from you.


you: I mean everything I do. I do like you, but I do not know how to put it across so that it wont be so... I really don't know. I cant seem to control myself though i tried. I really did. Maybe I'm just too emotionally attached to you. You cannot leave. Dont ask me why, just don't.





LABELS: 告诉你我不是一个会认输的人