`i'll never wanna say goodbye.

hmm. well. shall not talk abt wad i did today.
not very nice to announce to the whole world.=)
just had real fun with MINs and ANNA.
anyway.

i've been thinking alot.
i know what i want.
i really do.
but i dont know what to do.
sigh.
yes, i do care for you girl.
but i love her and i really love her alot.
i'm sorry.
she can never be replaced.
you gotta understand.
she's my everything.
tell me who will i be without her?
i know i'm waiting and hoping for something that will never happen.
it may seems hopeless.
but i'm hopeful.
i'm still holding on till the day i cant hold no more.
yes, i do have a reason for loving her.
and the reason is love.

There's so many things that i wanna sae.
but whenever i see you,
i'll not know what to say.
but i just want you to know that you're the one
and you'll always be.

A.L: i dont know what else to say but sorry. i know its of no use and its totally redundant. but still, my apology.


`let this day be forever.

always.


adel`jinling

`when all could say is, "I'm sorry"

ALRIGHTs.
At kwai's hse.
stayed over.

YESTERDAY.
MINs, CHERLY, ATIQA and KWAI came over to my place.
CHERLY and ATIQA had to leave early.
So left with KWAI and MINs.
crapped alot.
went CP at ard 8 plus.
roamed ard Compass.
Went Popular to look for my CD
den to Mini Toons for marshmellows and more marshmellows.=D
BATA was next.-slippers
walked ard Metro.-prom dress=)
den we went to this new shop " Grab a Bite"
MINs ate "Coney Dog"
KWAI ate " Texas Ted"
I had " New York Chicken"
YUMMs! nice=)
Pasar Malam-ed after that.
Three of us spent 16 over bucks on FOOD alone.
imagine hw much we ate.
-shakes head-
ANNA SAY I FAT ALREADY! (>.<)
die. exercise! diet!
whahahaha.
MONDAY la.
I'm craving for Coney Dog and Pasar Malam food.
hehe.

TODAY.
Woke up at 11 am.=))
i can sleep more lorh!
thanks to KWAI!
message me just to wake me up.
CRAZY! arghhh.
ate. again.
yes. hahaha.
CP later? maybe.
Going for dinner tonight.
tell you all smth you all dont tell Dong is i say one k?
PROMISE huh!
"She only knew this morning that today's her mum's b'day. sucha filial daughter right?" hahahahaha!
Sucha disappointment man. brought her up for 15 yrs already.
-shaeshead- thats very sad. ='(
hahaha. she's so gonna kill me.
OOPs! (",) <- i'll give this innocent face.
hahaha.
ALRIGHTs. till den.
i'm off.

TO BE CONTINUED....


`i didnt mean it. but still, i didnt wish i hadnt done that.

HAHAHAHA.
i'm forced by ANNA DONG and CHERLY LIM to clear their names.=D
they ARE not PBs la okaye.
my fault my fault.
Anna'a not, Cherly is.
HAHAHHAHHA.
OK LA. BOTH NOT OK! =D
HAPPY?!
THEY BETTER NOT BE!
wahhaahaha.
alrights.
HAPPY already?
remember, they ARE not PBs.=)
they ARE not ok? hahaahha.
get the idea? see the sacarsm?
lalalalalala.
BYEEEE.....

`let everything stay this way, please.
`i've had enough. no more. please.

SIGHs.
Its a MONDAY today.
MONDAY BLUES?
i dont have larh.
things are PRETTY fine.
just dont bring that subject up anymore k?
i dont wanna hear anything.
i dont wanna talk about it anymore.
NO MORE. GET IT?!
ENOUGH.
itsreallytoomuchformetobear.
icanttakeitnomore.

-as much as i cant force you to love me,
-you cant force me to let you go.
-why would i ever do that when i know i love you so much.
-you live your life, i live mine.
-i didnt expect ANYTHING from you.
-we're still friends.
-we will ALWAYS be.
-i promise to let go when i cant take it anymore.


ALRIGHTs.
enough of all that.
TODAY.
lessons as usual.
BUT lotsa HOMEWORK.
hmmm.
after school accompanied ken.
she gotta do CWO.
3 to 5. am i nice?
HAD FUN please.
hahahha.
"Oh my Darling Baby"
KEN KEN LOH,
YOU'RE SO GONNA DIE!
wahahaha.
BRIBE ME and I'LL NOT SAY.=D

after KEN's CWO met MINs and QIAOs.
Went Rivervale Mall with Ken and Mins.
Ken wanted to cut hair initially.
But i insisted that the hairdresser at QB hse dont look professional.
Ken didnt wanna wait.
Met ANNA and CHERLY after that.
bummed ard at Long John's.
Anna took out her Maths homework as usual.
I took out mine.
mins took out hers.
Cherly sat at a corner.
sweet talking to her dar dar.
hahaha.

thats about it la.=D
i wanna be happy everyday.
will you let me be?

`i'll stand tall, i'll be strong.


till den,
peace.

`its the hardest thing i ever had to do.
`to turn around and walk away pretending i dont love you.

HMMMM.
no school for me today.
shall update on 15.16 august.

15 AUGUST.
Went Punggol End with Mins.Cherly and Anna.
looked at all the vandalisms.
Anna and Cherly had hole-digging comp.
i'm supposed to time but i didnt know how to operate the darn watch.
asked anna. cos mins took it from her,
so i assumed its hers and she will noe how to use it.
ended up not timing.
cos the watch's not hers.
well well.
dumb bell.
hahhaaha.
CHERLY DUG SOME SHIT OUT!
disgusting la.
hahahha.

After that we all got so bored.
cherly and anna decide to write some stuff on the sand.
here it goes.
(MINS)2 = JIN ZHU -me
WHAT THE!
Cherly had to draw a pig la huh.
Went down to check out wads up with them
took a look and drew something to "improve" it.
got splashed by Anna Dong la.
i'm innocent okaye.
was wearing sch shoes.
got splashed the second time
and that smart one thought i wun go after her cos i had my shoes on.
didnt cared.
went into the water and pushed her down.
hahaha.
DRENCHED!
WAHAHAHAH.
not funny.
cos before i even realise,
i was wet too. arghhhh
DRENCHED TOO.
Cherly must thank Atiqa for it man.
She had to call atiqa so she went onshore.
OR ELSE SHE"LL BE INVOLVED TOO!
we really smell after that cann.

DEN WE ALL DECIDED TO VANDALISE.
hahha.
Cherly took Mins's liquid.
i had mine.
Anna used Mins's orange marker initially.
but gave up and took her own liquid and black marker out.
hahaha. SCRIBBLED alot.
shall go down and see again sometime ltr. =D
HAD LOTSA FUN LA.
CHERLY AND MINS GOT WET TOO!
hahaha. anna hugged cherly claiming they were brothers.
so i hugged mins too!
cos she's my sister!
SMART?!
hahaha.
WENT Macs's after Punggol End.
COMPASSPOINT.
stayed ard.
till seven plus?
quite late.
hmmm.
yupp. thats abt it for 15th August.

YESTERDAY.
16th AUGUST.
-went jalan kayu after sch.
with the usual six of us.
Minzhu,GuiZhu,JiaJi,Laoshu(atiqa) and Sigui.
guess who are they?
hahahaha.
PRATA!
i seemed to be the target for suaning yesterday.
all opposed me cann.
some ppl pissed me off in sch.
shant talk abt it anymore.
make me angry only.
ALRIGHT.
ALL came over to my place after Jln Kayu.
DISASTROUS!
-hidesface-
They took out all my photos.
I ADMIT I LOOK LIKE PIG LAST TIME.
MAYBE NOW ALSO LA.
BUT LAST TIME THE PICS WERE.
errrrm. nvm.
hahahaa.
ANNA AND CHERLY WERE THE MEANIES!
laughed so loud cann.
ARGHHHH!
WELL WELL.
its ok. (><)
hmmmm.
ALL "slept" except for mins anna and i.
i "accidentally" raped Anna. opps =X
hahaha. she only can blame herself.
hahahaa. disturb me somemore la!
hahaha. woke everybody up while raping her.
hahha. everybody woke up scolding me!
NOT FAIR!
after all the raping.
Cherly and Anna did smth so obscene!
they PB la! eeerrrrr!
dont embarrass them here.=)
ALL had dinner except Kwai and Atiqa.
they werent hungry i guess?
HAD fun at the table too la ok.
almost got choked by fish bone.

ALL played with the two monsters. (babies)
Anna cherly and atiqa had to leave.
left at seven plus.
was quite late.
Anna cabbed home.
Cherly sent atiqa home while i acc anna.

Kwai and mins stayed till nine plus?
hahha. yeah.
had a hard time choosing clothes for next wed's assembly.
showed them my prom dress.
sigh. need alterations.
but where? who?
anyone tell me?

after kwai and mins left.
i was so tired that i fell asleep at ten.
EARLY RIGHT?!
hahaha.

tts all!!

is it long? =)
had lotsa fun.
i'm happy.

*ilu. you'll alwaes be my one and only.


till den.
adel.jinzhu
lovesher.

`When things go wrong, I will not give up.
`I will tell myself. I can pull through.

Just wanna thank all the people who showed their concern and encouraged me at the lowest point of my life. esp. MICHELLE, KWAI, ANNA, CHERLY, SANDY, DESIREE, ADEL.LAU.... there are many others. But i wanna specially thank all these ppl. they are the ones who helped me get thru this misery and help me stand up on my feet again.

Thanks minzhu, guizhu, sigui, jiaji for spending so many late nights and precious afternoons with me. I really needed you guys. and you guys were there. i really appreciate all that.=)

*Let me do what i wanna do. Let me do things that'll make me happy. I'm left with only not much time. I know i have to leave. But will you let me leave with happy memories? The times we all shared were really wonderful and i will not exchange that for anything. they really mean alot to me. I want more of those times. When everyone enjoyed themselves thou deep inside their hearts, there's smth bothering them. I will treasure the time i'm left with. I wanna be happy. Will you let me be? Surprisingly you've got the abililty to make me smile and cry at the same time. I dont know why. All i knw is i just need you here by my side. thats all i'm askin. till the day when its really time to leave, i will make everyone happy and i hope ppl ard me will be happy too.

~I dont wanna let go at all. I dont plan to do so either. I will continue to love you till i can love no more. Till the day i feel i cannot take it anymore, then i will, let you go. Will you try your best to make me happy everyday? Will you try and let me not miss you so much everyday? Will you?


`You'll never be replaced.

adel

`i just need you here by my side.

even if everything's not right.
even if its the end of the world.
i just want you here with me.
you understand?
you're all i need.
you're all i want.
you're all that i live for.

it hurts too much.
i'm gonna be strong.
i wanna face these alone.
i know i can.


`what am i to do?

adel

`you'll always be my baby. ( edited on 10/8 )


TODAY.
National Day celebration.
Had "carnival" in school.
Before that was morning assembly with the march in.
Mass was next and COMMUNITY SINGING after that.
EVERYTHING was kinda dead la.
well.
after that went town with Kwai, Mins,Anna,Cherly and Atiqa.
Anna joined us last min.=)
all came kwai's house to change.
Kwai lent Anna a shirt and three quarts.
-look kinda good in it eh? haha.
Took MRT down to town.
Went Cine for lunch.-Pasta Mania

After lunch everyone didnt know where to go.
actually wanted to go esplanade.
but we've got nth to do there.
so decided to walk to PS instead.
Sat ard. till we all decided to head downto sculpture park.
sure. we had lotsa fun there. hahahha.
lotsa laughter too.=D
its the happiest day of my life man.=))
Silly things everyone did.
hilarious man.

after sculpture park we went CP for some drinks. - macs.
as usual bummed ard.
cherly and atiqa left earlier.
left mins, kwai, anna and i at macs.
hahaha. joked awhile den all got tired.
came back to kwai's house.
Anna gotta change back to her Sch-U.
Lazed ard here.
LOTSA LAUGHTER AGAIN.
I Swear, this is the happiest day i ever had.
With Kwai, Mins, Cherly, Atiqa and Anna.
LOVE them to bits man.
Wanna let em know how impt they are to me.



KWAi.bro : You know i will alwaes be here whenever you need me yeah? that goes without saying. =) As much as u're alwaes there for me whenever i'm down, i will never forsake you. Everything doesnt come easily and i managed to get you as my bro. Always remember that u're the bestest bro i've ever had and nth can change that yea? Thanks for everything. loves.

Mins.sis: HEY DAMIN! hahahah. You're alwaes the one i wanna talk to and i feel so comfortable with u. I dont know wad life's gonna be like w/o you. thanks for the time and the listening ear u've lent. i appreciate it alot alot.
you'll alwaes be my dearest sis =D i LOVE you alot alot and noone can take u away. yea?

Cherly and Atiqa.: THE MAID TODAY ALRIGHTS?? hahaha. hey both of you, thanks for so many so many things that u've brought to my life yea? the joy and laughter that never fail to make us smile at the end of the day. there may be some teeny weeny problems here and there but afterall, we overcame it all. aint it good? =D Its not gonna be the same w/o u two. which means u both mean alot to me too k? =)

Anna : Dong Siling ar. " you where not happy huh. not happy can write down on a piece of paper and snail mail me, type out and email me, sms and tell me, fax also can. just dont use ur mouth or show it." familiar? hahahhaa. YOU LAUGH ALOT HOR?! hahha. had fun on monday la huh. scold me somemore la, suan me somemore la. haha. slap you ar. =x admit that my hips are smaller den u la ok. u dont have waist one. wahhaahaha. still dare say me. lalallala~ opps. shall stop here or else everybody will know how big a tummy u have.=)) hahahhaha. alright alright. no more. you definitely made a difference in my life yea? and i wont let anything change =)

ALL 5 of you : ADEL at kaya toast place," YOU ALL MUST STILL LOVE ME IF I LOOK LIKE THIS K?! ( bug-teethed, cross-eyed ) PROMISE?!" hahahhaha. I LOVE ALL OF YOU LA! iheartyou.


`I dont know what else to do. But all i know is i dont wanna regret again and i'd rather things remain this way. I'm not willing to do anything if that something will change my life. i like it this way and noone can take u away from me. i repeat. no one. even if there's someone who's able to will not be able to take that "you" away in my heart. cos its MY heart. You're so difficult to understand and so unpredictable. You alwaes leave me with confused mind all the time. Most of the "all the time" i don't know what to do next cos i cant read your mind. but u know what? thou all of the above mentioned may sound that 'normal' ppl will not be able to tolerate, i'm willing to and i am still, trying my very very best to understand you. simply becos, you're just that special. i dont know if i'm right by doing this when i dont know how u feel. like i've said, i'm alright with anything else except having you leave me. when i say leave me, it means even as friends. and i will definitely not allow that to happen at all. how can i let u leave when you're already part of me?


-who do you belong?


alrights. i'm off. watchin The Maid.
prays hard i wont freak out. =S


adel.jinling

`EUNICE NGIENG's SOTONG!
`MY CHAO TA SOTONG NIECE!

hahaha.
admit. poor girl.
cannot figure out my chinese name.
had to admit in her msn nick.
and thats the consequence.=/
hahahha.
poor thang aye? hahahaha
-evil laughter-

TODAY.
went down for training.
had fun.
lotsa fun.
i miss trngs alot.
i miss my sec 3s alot.
today, i realised. the sec 2s are so cute.
hahhaha. they're fun too.=D

so tired.
i'm off.=D


PS: i did not flirt. i did not.


adel

`Why Does It Seems That I'll Need To Take Forever to Get You?


-Love is just another lie that selfish people claim just to keep you by their side.
-I'll just let go when i feel i can't go on.
-When i see you, i see forever. The forever that i need to have you stay by my side.


Its another day.
Had History paper today.
easy. really easy. esp SBQ.
its really the easiest paper i've ever did.
i risked. i chose topic to study.
studied till late night yesterday.
when i realise i've got tons more to revise.
i panicked. i chose topics to study.
I REALLY TOOK THIS RISK.
I chose to study only TWO chpters.
WAR in EUROPE and WAR in PACIFIC.
Both under WWII.
was so afraid NONE would come out.
FORTUNATE enough.
It came out. even the qns i predicted.=D
phew. but.
somehow. had lil time left for Question 2B.
which is the last qns.
its about Japan's attack on Pearl Harbour.
whther there's a need for Japan to attack it to gain control pwr in Asia and Pacific.
i studied this. even the qns.
wrote out the whole darn model answer yesterday night.
ta-Dah! it came out.
both qns. somehow similar.
just the phrasing of the qns.
they're inter-linked anyway.

after paper went North Point with Kwai.
wanted to catch a movie.
but we're going for movies on Sat and Mon.
so movies today was a no-no.=)
bus-ed down. chatted.
yepp. it wasnt really a "bright" day la.
you know. the weather's so cold.
Sun's not out to do its job. =(
kwai almost froze to death despite me lending her the pullover.
and kwai saed i'm polar bear jus cos i wasnt cold.
tskk!
i was cold la. but she seemed colder.
so i thought she needed it more den i do.
so yeah. i'm so nice right.
was freezing at NP and CP. hahhaa.
managed to "hide" the coldness, =/

rained heavily today.
"COLD" - shivers-
walked ard Northpoint.
as usual. our YaKun.kaya toast
had french toast. kwai just got the kaya toast.
we both got TWO eggs and Ice Milo each.
-yummmms-
Compasspoint gonna open one too.
yayness.=)

roamed ard till 12 plus.
decided to head down to CP to meet min min there.
sch ends at 2.10pm today for them.
Poor thangs.=) i was dismissed at 9.30am.
-evil laughters-
bummed ard at yoshi.
damn tired la.
managed to keep my eyes open thou.
freezing man. i swear it was darn cold.
hahhaa.

Mins mins met us after her sch.
went Hougang Mall cos i needa help Dad pay HP bill.
went back to CP again after that.
shall not go into detail.
but if given a chance, i would have definitely smash that darn radio which plays the same song over and over again. how dumb can it get?
you mean the whole CD only got one pathetic song?
BK-ed till kwai's mum came.
went over to Macs with mins.
as usual. sat ard.
decided to walk ard to hunt for nice specs.
spotted one. 185 bucks.
-toomuchdaysleftattheendofmoney.-
see the picture?
i must control.
cannot spend money like its free-flow.
but i really like it la. sighs.

wanted to bus home.
but instead we went Punggol Park.
cos i've got lotsa thangs to pour out to mins.
i was confused la actually.
but got my mind sort out already.
so yeah. alls well i guess.
but i cant and will not stop thinking of you.
now that mins mention, i realise that when i dont see you for a 'prolonged' period of time, my feelings starts to fade a lil by lil each day.
is that suppose to be a good thang?
i dont know either.
but i know i'm already missing that thang i had that accompanied to slp every night.
yeah.

alrights.
Science Paper 1 (phy/chem) tmr.
studied.
going down for trng tmr.
i miss those days.
paper starts at ten tmr.
dont hafta go for morning assembly.
anyone jealous?
last paper tmr.
yay! programs lined up on my schedule already.
waiting to be filled with fun=D
Sat-movies (Charlie and the Choco factory)
stayin over at kwai's with mins.
Sun- Get ingredients for lunch in the mornin'
Ken and Anna wil join us ltr at 12pm.
drinkin till our heart's content.
i'm in need of it mans.
seriously. i just wanna get out of that misery.
even its only for awhile, its enough.
i'll face the reality afterwards.
i will.

wells. looking forwrd thou.
i gtg. i'moff=D


`You know i can't smile without you.


aDeL

`the one i wanted. i want no more


At Kwai's house now.
studied for awhile.
it wasnt planned. haha.
we just took out our books and studied.
History paper tmr. sigh.
studied already. but.
not enough.
shall study more later.=D

hmmm. S-T-R-E-S-S.
well well. two more papers.

CRAZY.

sigh.
PRELIMS PRELIMS PRELIMS.
gots lotsa plans in mind.
after prelim 1.

-Charlie and the Choco factory. ( 6th )
-The maid
-Red Candy with Kwai. mins (8th)
-K BOX with twinnies. ( 9th. tentatively)
-POOL with twinnies.
-Drinking with Kwai, Mins, Cherly, Ken, Anna. ( 7 th )
-Pulau Ubin with Kwai, Cherly, Anna. (21st)
to be continued...

yupps. tt shld be all.
cant wait for this sat.=D
END OF PRELIM 1 AND MOVIES!
yay.

alright. that shld be all.
i'm off.


`Dont hold me so high up. Cos i'll only let you down.


adel.

` the one i loved. i loved so much.

- So much month left at the end of money. <- sounds weird right? but i like it this way. lol. it merely means i've got no money larh!

funny funny. ha-ha-ha.
so lame la. i just "happen" to be online.
so i thought i should update a lil.
nth much to update abt today anyway.
no paper = no school = stay home.
studied a lil today.
damned. geog paper 1 tmr.
seriously la. the person who did this timetable shld...
sigh. i'm given three days extra for paper 1 instead of 2.
i'm supposed to be prepared i noe.
but three more days meant alot alot you know.
sigh. i'll do much much better.

okaye. its over anyway.
Chinese O level results are releasing sometime next week.
after Naional Day. thats wad we were told.
hmmm. -shivers-
No A1 = retake.
but i WILL get A1.
I KNOW I WILL.
sigh. but. dont really have confidence.
cos i kinda screwed my paper 2.
BUT. Distinction in oral's definitely what i wan and its what i'l get.
alright alright. cannot be over-confident.
if i dont get what i thought i will. the feeling will be worse.
shhhhh... dont say anything.

exams aside. my life from now till nov 22's up next.
alright. its officially August 2005 now.
and i hafta prepare for prelim 2.
wait. didnt we just finish our prelim 1?
sigh. yes yes. our prelim two's in sept.
when we haven even finish our prelim 1.
fri's the last day of prelim 1.
the following monday we'll get back ALL our papers.
Tuesday Wednesday sch hols.- National Day.
Sch on thursday. which is 11 Aug.
If i'm not wrong we'll get back our CL Os result.
correct me if i'm wrong pls.
i aint sure too.
oh. we'll be discussing abt the grad night on 11 Aug too.
venue. dress code. amount. etc.
lookin forward to that day. but not the release of CL results.
I'll tremble when they announce over the PA system
"All Sec 4 express and 5 NA girls are to proceed to the hall now. Your Chinese O level results are out." - oh no. they did that last year. will they do it agn this year? No pls.

okok. shall say smth happier.
u noe wad.
i'm so ready to study and mug mug mug.
i'm on track already.
no more playing. no more hanging out.
no more nothing. its definitely a good thing.
Prelim 1's pretty fine till now.
but i know i will do better if i started studying few weeks earlier.
anyway. too bad for me.
only have myself to blame.=/

hmmm. i'm gonna start mugging for prelim 2 after prelim 1 man.

oh oh. talking abt after prelims.
after prelim 2 will be ard. late sept.?
den it'll be October already.
October means Study Marathon.
ALL THE WAY TILL NOVEMBER.
and November simply simply means O LEVEL.
oh man. time really flies.
by oct we, o level candidates wil be released from sch for self study already.
means no more sch already.
literally no more.
sigh. i'm so gonna miss sch then.
from now till Oct's like 2 more mths and no more sch?
i'll miss school. i'll miss the people. i'll miss you.
sigh. alright. every story has an ending.
i've gotta let go and let a new chapter of my life begin.
its alwaes like tt. aint it?

well well. till den. i'm so gonna cherish the time left.
told my mum i'm NOT gonna work after Os.
i asked her whether she wanna hire me not.
fold blanket every morning for her - 5 bucks.
she saed no. feed the 2 monsters for lunch and dinner. - 6 bucks.
WAHAHAHHA. easy money.
okok. i hafta concentrate on Os first.
i must do well for prelim 2 too.
3 mths of CJC. -crossfingers-

alright. i'm off.
to study.=D
i'm loving it.


`when all i can do is turn around and walk away
`pretending i dont love you.


adel`tan. jinling