`memories of the days in NPCC gushed back again. i held back my tears.

sigh. i dont wanna be reminded abt the fact that things will never be the same anymore. i know everybody as their own commitments and diff priorities in life after we passed out. all we can do now, is to keep the memories alive in our hearts. sigh. i really miss my sqmates. i really do.

alright. emotions aside. had geography paper 2 today. thank god i didnt screw it up okaye. its my fav and best subject other than chinese. i'm so gonna score for this prelims ok. if i dont. den i only have myself to blame. if i didnt do as well, it'll probably bcos i didnt study enough. yupp. it'll be my fault. but till den, i hope i can do well la.

sigh. i lost my pullover. couldnt find it last min. borrowed frm a friend. yupp. luckily i borrowed. was freezing during the 2 hr and 15 mins paper cann. only 13 of us in hall doing pure geog. how pathetic. but we're really united. u bet.=)

hmmm. down with fever. didnt kick a big fuss over it. just let it subside on its own. hope it will.=/ thanks cherly. for being so concerned.

Maths Paper 2 tmr. -crossfingers- everyone knows it will not be easy.since paper 1 killed us all. sae goodbye to me. lol.

alright. gotta go study. so slack. cannot cannot.

didnt sleep well or rather didnt slp for 3 days already. i just wanna do well.
3mths of CJC. 2 years of CJC. i want both.=D
i wanna study. study and study.
or else i'll regret.
cos i know. i can do it.=D

did i sae i'm going off? haha. ok.


PS : thanks anna for the pullover.=) dont know when will return since i have prelim 2 in sept and Os in nov. hahahhaa! jk la. maybe buy new one. u will say i waste money agn. shhh!


till den,
iwillstillloveyou.butiwillnotletyounoe.

`i feel myself turning away. i took a step back.

AH WELL WELL. feel like a macdonald delivery woman today. why?
went sch for chem paper3 today. which ends at 0915.
went to see some teacher.
went RM after that with some friends.
twinnies were having ART prelims. so they didnt join us.
saw Fatin, Olsen, Andrea, Nicole, and PeiLing.
didnt feel like eating. so just bummed ard there messaging ken.
just waiting for time to pass.
hmmm. bought 6 Sausage McMuffin. 6 sprite.
spent 10 mins plus trying to find ways to hide the things.
hahaha. decided to just carry them to sch with bare hands.
thanks Fatin.=) for helping me carry. its heavy.
so nice of her right? =D
yupp. reached sch at the right time.
recess bell rang when i reach the canteen.
hmmm. bought for Cherly, Anna, Kendra, Jac,Eunice Ngieng and michelle.
athena and tang was complaining tt i was bias. didnt get for them.
hey, they cld have saed they wanted when ken asked anna and jac in class okaye.
hahha. alright. see when i'll get for them again.
everything started with cherly early in the morning.
haha. was at the foyer this morning waiting for kwai.
saw Cherly and Sam Choy at the piano area.
as usual cherly and her chopstick la. hahahaha.
left but went back after awhile.
this time with ken there.
hahaha. saw all the stiff fingers la.
hahaha. esp ken's. u shld have seen how stiff her fingers were.
yupp, told cherly i'll be dismissed at 0915 after my paper.
and she suggested Mac's.
she was just joking but i saed ok.
haha. ken didnt say anything. but i asked her whther she wants not.
yah. after paper msged her to ask anna and jac. or else they'll sae i'm bias again when i'm NOT. haha. hmmm. tts how it all started.=/

alright. did i mention that today's chemistry was pretty fine?
yupp. its quite easy but i didnt have the time to go thru it once more.
i wont expect distinction thou. didnt really study chem, as in 100% focus and revise.
so yah. distinction's not mine.

okok. tt shld be all.
-things are going hay-wired in sch. good luck to those.
-EL paper till 12 tmr.
-Physics paper in the afternoon.'faints'

till then.



`i'm still stuck in the past. i cant get out.


-adel

`i'll never love again.

blogged alot just now. but got DC-ed half way thru. wells. i really wrote alot. sigh. everything's gone within secs. how fast. just as how things can happen within mins, life could be lost without you knowing. how fragile. alright. thought for the day.

. all that i wanted to blog abt just disappeared from my mind. sigh.

a lil abt today. went sch for SS and Maths P1. SS was pretty fine but maths was hell. get the idea? yah. slacked ard in sch after paper. bummed ard in Ms Teh's art studio for an hr. den off for luch with twinnies and rach. met mins mins after tt. went cp with ken and anna. plus min of course. cabbed down. how silly. yupp. nth much. just like tt.

chem p3 tmr. study. study. study. and wells. suppose to mug with mins and ken after sch today. but ken and anna werent in the mood. so yah. kinda affected me. so i didnt have the mood. either. everyone's not in the mood. but mins in a bad mood. anna dong la. thanks to her man. okok. shant go into detail abt tt. -will the 'you' ever come back?-

wells wells. i'm off. to study. i mean. to revise. let me live in self-denial


`you know i care. i do. just aint tt way.


-adel`tan.jinling-

ALRIGHT. hold that thought of yours. or rather, STOP ASSUMING.
took that particular entry out not because i'm guilty of the things i mentioned. its simply because so many ppl misinterpreted it resulting in that particular person getting harrassed with many questions. okaye. spare her from all that pls. if u wanna noe wads happing in our lives, den i think you guys shld ask and not assume smth and den ask abt ur assumption.=) thank you. that'll save us from troubles.

i'm happy with my life now and i find no reason to be upset. so, if u're my friend and u mean well, let me live my life peacefully.
-not to anyone in particular, just in general yeah-

alright. i'm off. to study.

`I dont want to start. cos i dont wan it to end.
`i just wanna leave sch with happy memories.
`i dont wanna love when i know i have to sae goodbye.
`i cant take the pain.
`i dont wanna try.


adel`tan.

oh well well. sch as usual. but i enjoy every day in school.
morning assembly almost killed me today. so stuffy. so hot. cant stand it. no wonder joanna will faint. poor girl. wonder how is she now. hmmm. had lessons as usual too. we had free time for us to relax today. twinnies and i played bball. hmmm. yeah. so sweaty after that larh. guess wads the joke of the day. I fell in front of the jukebox today. damn it. was standing on two bballs and my hands were holding on to the jukebox. someone called me and i lost my balance while trying to find out who was tt. darn thing. fell on my butt. so embarrassing. sheesh.

sigh. was practically snoring away during lessons larh. so tired. but i managed to keep my eyes wide open. prelims in 2 weeks time, i cant afford to sleep no more. well. went compass with andrea and fides. fides wanted to check the price of the contacts she'd been aiming for long. went woth her and kenna ps-ed by andrea. well, expected. i dun give a damn anyway. went macs after checking out the price of the contacts. sms-ed min min. asking her wad time her course will end. den she called back. sae she dont hafta go. so i asked to meet. bummed ard at captain cook. as usual agn. =) saw cherly and atiqa. they joined us. den we sat there for awhile. we're suppose to wait for anna in sch. anna and cherly wanted a haircut. so i tagged along since its near my hse.=)) yupp. and noe wad? Anna and Cherly looked different after their haircuts and styling. well, indeed different i wld say. Atiqa went to another hairdresser instead. think she frequent there. hmmm. helped anna and cherly take pictures with their hair styled. laughed like nobody's business at the aunty's place. anna was saying that she needa wash it away b4 she go home cos her mum will kill her. I replied saying that its sucha waste lar. den she said," den wad? tell my mum outside got typhoon ar. blow until my hair all stand up." so funny pls. cherly laughed out loud canns. dots.lol.

saw xiu wen when cherly's cutting her hair. she lives on the same level. Anna and i disturbed her awhile and went back to cherly. after all that crap anna, cherly and i went down to look for minmin and atiqa. the hairdresser took soooooo long to cut atiqa's hair canns. really long.

finally her hair's done. cherly and atiqa wan "pat tor" so the three of us made ourselves scarce. lol. went cp agn with anna and minmin. Anna went to collect her cookies and agn, we slacked at captain cook. accompanied anna to the toilet. she wanted to wash her hair and that idiot stupidly knocked her head against the tap while trying to life her head up. she gave a very very "good" suggestion, and its to place her own head in the toilet bowl and flush. and tah dah! her hair all clean already. OBVIOUSLY she didnt do that. or else i wun lend her my precious comb man. lol.

went back to minmin at capt cook. all did our work till we saw tang, ro and all. Anna gotta leave. so left with min and i. walked ard after that thou=)) had fun anyway. real fun. alright. tts abt it.

`swim swim tmr with min.
`ponggol end tmr la. but anna got darn maths trail.

adel

`This is the song, that made, us, graduating seniors cry buckets.
`Its dedicated to us, by the sec 4NA NCOs whom we've bidded farewell to too.
`Its not easy to say goodbye.
`it'll never be.
`esp when we went thru so much together.
`i still cannot accept the fact.
`I'm really touched by this song that they wrote for us.
`Thank you guys so much for this.
`I will never forget and i will always remember.
`Those days were too beautiful... Too beautiful to let go.
`It all ended within minutes.
`The minute we salute the officers in appreciation and farewell.
`My heart broke into million pieces.

Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You.

If I had to live my life without them near us,
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long.
With them I see forever oh so clearly,
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young and we both know
They’ll take us where we want to go

Hold me now,
Touch me now
I don’t want to train without you.

Nothing’s gonna change the bond in us
You ought to know by now how much we love you
One thing you can be sure of
I’ll never ask for more den your care

Nothing’s gonna change the memories
You ought to know by now the things we went thru
The years may change my whole life
But nothing’s gonna change my love for you.

If the road ahead is not easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
We’ll be there for you should you need us
You don’t have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are.
So come with me and share the view
I’ll help you see forever too


*MY SQMATES, I WILL KEEP YOU GUYS IN MY HEART TILL IT FUNCTIONS NO MORE. EVEN IF IT BREAKS DOWN, THE MEMORIES WILL BE LEFT ETERNALLY IN ME. I PROMISE AND I SWEAR THAT U GUYS BROUGHT JOY AND LAUGHTER TO MY LIFE. EACH ONE OF U MADE A DIFFERENCE AND I APPRECIATE IT ALOT. I REALLY DO.

`Here we part to meet again.

I dont know what else to say. Words really cant say it all. But all i can say now thru words is, " Nothing's gonna change the bond in us." I LOVE SJC NPCC 4tH BATCH NCOs TO BITS. Our OFFICER-IN-CHARGE MS IRIS TEH.

SEC 3 NCOs.(5Th Batch) : You guys were my life since i was an NCO. I know I had been very very fierce and strict with all of you. But I know u girls understand why i'm doing all these. Sorry that i actually made u girls cry last night. Thanks for the tears thou. Those tears told me that you guys actually mind my existence in the unit. Thank you so much and i believe, my hardwork will not go down the drain. MY NCOs. I'm proud of u guys. I really am. I look forwrd to the day when i return to SJC NPCC again. As i promised, i will defnitely be back to see u guys and all ready to fight the obstacles and challenges in ur NCO life. But everything depends on the will u guys possess. I have faith in u guys. "When u fall, dont get discourage. Stand up on your feet again, and never look back." If you cant stand up by urself, allow ur sqmates to help you. allow them to lift u up, and stand on ur feets as one again. Never let me down alright? When i return i wanna see a DRASTIC change in u guys k? good change thou=) Let me end my last sentence. "You guys are my life. If I were to lose you guys, where can I find my life again?"

ALL SJC NPCC Juniors. : Be it the cadets i taught b4 or the cadets that just know me by name. I know i've created hell in ur cadet lives. But do alwaes remember the words i saed and remember the lessons u've learnt alright? I promised you guys yesterday that I'll be back as WCI. Mark my words. I'll never break my promise. Just as much as i treasure my life, I treasure all the times we, as a unit, had spent together.=) i mean it. Continue to work and do the unit proud k?

Last but not least, MY SQMATES AND SEC 5 SENIORS," For the most heartfelt words dont come from the mouth, they are all in my heart, hoping u guys can feel it.=( I don't wanna train without you."


`alright. let me end here. I dun wanna tear no more. My eyes are puffy resulted frm the crying in 3 consecutive days. Mission and Passing out parade /Farewell night. sigh.


I just wanna leave in self denial. let me


till den,
adel

Is it time to leave? Is it time to bid farewell to everyone? really? is it a must? Must i really sae goodbye to all the teacher officers-esp Ms Teh? Is it time to let go of the sec 3 juniors i held so dear to? All the SJC NPCC juniors. MUST I REALLY BID MY SQUADMATES FAREWELL? Do i really needa say goodbye to NPCC life? Are there other alternatives? PLEASE?

I dont wanna leave all my friends. It has come to the last chapter of my secondary sch life. and i rather live in self denial that i'm not leaving SJC. I want the time to stop here. right now and not fly past so fast. Mission made me cried my heart out. I LOVE MY FRIENDS ALOT. DONT ASK ME TO SAE GOODBYE TO THEM. I JUST CANT.

I cant let go of SJC NPCC. I cant let go of My sqmates. I cant let go of my dearest Juniors. AND I DONT WANNA BID FAREWELL TO THE OFFICERS WHOM MOULDED ME INTO WHO AM I TODAY. If i really have to sae goodbye, then i will wanna say a BIG THANK YOU to SJC NPCC. I OWE SJC NPCC ALOT.ALOT. and i promise, i will pay back a hundred fold. thousand fold. i mean it.

I Just cant bring myself to let go. I dont know how.

`Esther told me before," You will naturally let go when you feel that you've done enough."
Maybe i think i could have done more. cos i cant seem to let go. i dont understand.

Esther: I did it. I achieved the goal i've been aiming since sec 1. Thank you so much for ur guidance thruout my cadet life. my NCO life. you taught me so many things. I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for stepping into my life. I will not be who i am today without ur constant encouragement and support. Although u may not be physically by my side, but whenever i need help, you're alwaes there. Thank you for helping me thru this long journey. thank you.


`Once a NPCC cadet. Always a NPCC cadet.
adel

`i shall reply myself.
`the previous entry.
`ALL's well. everything's good=)
`i'm happy.
`i'm really happy.
`thou it still hurts a little.
`i know i will move on eventually.
`i know i can.

~ I'm rejoicing for every breathe that i take.
~cos it shows tt i can still live without you.

-If LOVE and FRIENDSHIP can never exist together,
-I know only choosing friendship will make me happy.
-Although it hurts to let you go.
-But i believe, It will hurt even more if i dont.



// Dont take the same route everyday, it will only lead you back to the same spot. Try to take a different route, it will take you to somewhere u least expects most.//


*i noe i can, i noe i will.=)


till then.

`everything's good? everything's well?
`really?
`sigh.
`nth seems to be right.
`there's jus smth within me.
`i dont know what is it.
`i just wanna move on.
`i've got great friends in know.
`and i love em of course.
`but sometimes. even they cant help.

`i really hope things will go well.
`i'm tired already.
`however if meet with any problems, i wun run away.

`we're friends again.
`everything's solved last night,
`really?
`is it true?
`or am i dreaming?
`no difference.
`is everything solved?
`really solved?
`sigh.
`den why i feel otherwise.
`maybe i think too much.
`but i jus hope things will be last time.


~All along i was only holding on to a FRIENDSHIP that i cant let go.


adel. =(