`tears... will you stop coming out?

've been tearing since yesterday night. talked to glyn`sis till 2am. but i din now why, tears just fell like its suppose to. talked to sis as if nth happened. but. my heart's pounding real fast. i cant control it. i dont know why.


yesterday, NERVOUS was the word. today DISAPPOINTED is the word.


DAMN! i could have done better. I SERIOUSLY SUCK AT TIME MANAGEMENT! someone kick me real hard and call me lousy pls. no no no. dont do that. cos i aint lousy.



WHATEVER. i dont know wads going on


Fieldtrip to Malaysia tmr. hope i'll feel better. i dun wanna cry everyday again.

`i dont understand.

Tears just kept flowing outta my eyes. and i dont know why. i'm so scared of tmr. why are you not here? its really really scary. aint it? esp when its jus few hrs away. i'm really very nervous and i teared like hell. IS IT THAT SCARY? may not be to you guys la. But i'm really very scared. OMG. i dont know.

God will be with me. thats the most important thing. and thats the last thing i wanna go the exam hall w/o. AND of course. glyn`sis will be with me alwaes! i think mins mins also. although she'll be at OBS. hais! damn. its okaye. i've got kwai in the hall with me.

CAN I CRY OUT LOUD!??! i'm freaking out already. and i dont know why i'm still here.

oh. wadever. okaye. thats all. i HAVE to study now. ciao!

ALL THE BEST TO EVERYONE PLEASE!

`thisistheproblem. her name lingers within you more than it shld.

I'm at a loss of what to do. Chinese Os' tmr and i'm really really scared.

Met Mins mins and Mayl`sis at CP today. Captain's Cook duh. hmmm. okaye. they gave me chinese spelling la. funny. alright. Den all decided to call jac and disturb her. This is how it went:

MAYLENE: " Hello, May i speak to Jacqueline?"
JAC:"Yeah, speaking."
(mayl pass fone over to mins)
MINS: "Hello, you just ordered a coffin and would you like to claim it now or later?"
(mins mins luffing her ass off already)
JAC: " huh?!?"
(mins mins pass fone over to me)
ADEL:" hey! guess who am i?!"
-damn it. she guessed all sorts of name but not mine.how dumb-
JAC:" You never tell me how i know?"
(sounded pissed)
ADEL: "If i wanna tell you den what for i ask you to guess??"
-silence-
ADEL: " okaye. give you a hint"
-i shall not say whats the hint-
JAC:"Oh! Adel!!"
and it goes on la okaye......

well. that was kinda irritating. anw, we wanted some entertainment la. lalalala
MINS MINS and **** going OBS. hahha! yay! they'll miss their bed they'll miss home and THEY'LL MISS ME!! wahahahaha.

hais. paper tmr. ALL THE BEST TO ALL. (SEC4E/5N)
A1 for me pls. no A1 retake in Nov. i mean it la.

alright. i'm off. i wanna study already...

PS: youmademethoughtthatallwasgoingwelluntilisawthatparticularthing...

`yeah. just another day of the year.
`BUT. i'm exceptionally happy!!!
`yay~
`HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Thanks to Sandy and MeiDan who made my saturday a wonderful day.The Neos and all. i'll alwaes remember it.=))

Twinnies (regina rebecca), Fides and Nicole who made my Monday oh so happy. ONE FULL DAY of Kbox and pool. i definitely enjoy it. and i'm really really really happy.. thank you so much.

i've got many wishes from friends and all. alot. Carmen was the first. followed by Jowin ( exactly at 00.00am) i'm surprised. and there came Ziming, Adeline Lau, den Kwai. followed by Macdonald. (god noes why), MeiDan, Yueying, Sandy, Violetin, Glen, Warren, oh and Kevin. who else? hmmm. Macrina? thank you all Sooooo much and i really appreciate it alot. thats why i bother to remember everybody's name and post it here.. =)) of course there are many others who wished me wayyy b4 my birthday.. like Shermagne, Zaslyn(jingting)... ah well well. There's two more!! one of them is "My dear".and Rowena and Michelle. my juniors actually.=)) Tze Choong also. met him at Compass.. well well.

THANK YOU SJC NPCC for singing the birthday song for me... really touched... i love all of you larh.. and i mus love the POLICE DAY CARNIVAL TIX. if not for the meeting regarding this, u guys will not sing it for me. =)) its reaally difficult to name everyone here. cos its like. alot ppl. so. ya. some i can remember. like Atiqa, Jolene, Cynthia, Karin.. many many sec 2s larh. sorry kaes. adel cannot remember sooo in detailed. but anyhow, i really wanna thank all of you. for making my once oh so dull birthday to a wonderful fantabulous birthday. if not for u guys, i wouldnt feel so loved. =) ALL JUNIORS AND SENIORS OK??

oh oh. i shall not miss.. The Chanel. The Choo Xiao Ling. The one who hit my ass this morning. Lame shite she is. Scared the hell outta me. arghhh. where's she??!!


hmmm. its really a happy day for me. thou there're some lil unhappiness. but c'mon. its all covered by the goods!! hmmm.

And, i decided... i dun wanna regret again. i wanna treasure the oh so precious moments of our squad. Sze Hwee IS MY FRIEND, MY SQMATE,MY SUPPORT. i dun wanna be so childish. i want her as my friend again. after so many years, dun wanna waste it. its really so... i wanna put the past behind me..

Thanks Jack, u talked the hell outta me. thnx...

THANK YOU SO MANY PPL. i really love all of you.. to bits..

i will update more soon. i gtg. bathe. =))

`i feel so close every time u hold me near.

when everyone deceives. i chose to trust you.

i sheilded you whenever i can. i went all out to protect ur ever pure ever loving ever perfect reputation. But my dear girl, what did u do to mine? I really hated you for saying that. but i hate myself more. for making sucha lousy friend. so lousy that u doubt my friendship. most importantly, u doubted my character and that is the last thing of me that i want ppl to critisize. With clear conscience, i helped you. i spoke up for you. i denied all the bads that ppl say abt you. i chose to believe that u wouldnt be sucha person. am i wrong?

what is it that u alwaes wanted that i alwaes get? what is it that u're unhappy with? i knew this long time ago. but agn, i chose to ignore. believing that all i thought was not true. When u're unhappy, i consoled you. when u're lost, i offered to guide you. but why? why had all these gone in vain? i had my reasons, i had my difficulties. But why dunch u try and put urself into my shoes and understand my plight like how i understood urs?

its been 4 years. 4 yrs of sqmates, 4 yrs of laughter, 4 years of tears, 4 yrs of competition, 4 yrs of unhappiness. 4 yrs of quarrels, 4 yrs of joy. 4 yrs of mutual doubting, 4 years of misunderstanding. WE WENT THRU ALOT ALOT. words cant describe. the feelings we have for NPCC. the passion towards excellence. ALL GONE. by ur words. i repeat. by ur words. If you were to say i cant put the entire blame on u. den i shall say you didnt tell me my flaws in the first place. so dunch you expect anything from me. You cant expect me to do smth when all the while i was in the dark.


no point talking to each other on the surface friendly yet deep inside all the negative and nasty remarks are waiting to dash out from humans' dirty mouth . We had our share of sorrows, happiness and everything. i cant promise u anything cos i dont noe wad the future holds.

But for now, pls dun ruin the beautiful memories my sqmates left for me in time to come after my graduation. The ever wonderful memories in NPCC i will never forget. thou, there may be misunderstandings and conflicts. but i'm glad till now, we stand as one squad. not every squad can do that but we did. you played a part, i played a part. If the hypocritical side of us comes up to meet each other agn, all i will do is to snap you right in front. leaving no mercy. girl, i told you. u underestimated me. u underestimated my ability to drive ppl to their wits end. I aint bad. but u forced out the nasty character i've been trying so hard to hide it and preventing it from coming out agn.

somehow, u definitely played a role in my life and i admit its impt to me. i will alwaes remember. that, u were once in my life.

Guess after my graduation u will disappear from my memory. I will choose to only let beautifuls remain in my heart. and in any case u're wondering do u belong to the beautifuls, maybe you do. to others. Many friends not worth keeping. and sadly, i think most of u are the ones who went thru thick and thin with me hypocritically. you noe who u are. most of my sec sch days i spent on the cca. this cca that i loved so much. and i hadnt regret.

goodbye to the competitive squad. goodbye to ur competition. see, u can have the unit for all u want. but hey. make full use of this opportunity k? cos i'll be back. and when i'm back. my dear girl, i'll make sure u will feel u're not worth a single cent. ok tts mean. well, i dun mean it. saed for fun. but seriously. i'll be back. and i think i wun be able to recognise u.



I'm nearing the last leap of my sec sch life. i wanna spend all my days in this period of time studying away and feeling the goodness and relieve-ness. burden-less. its time to plan for my own future.

Someone saed to me once, " you will naturally let go of the things that u held so dear when u feel that you've done enough."

well. its time for myself. 100% commitment to myself. and some of my friends.


may the good lord bless all those troubled souls. give them the courage to face their stupidities and do guide them along when they're soul-searching.

peace

` i've got no comments. no more already.

hi all...
This may be the last time i'm blogging. it'll be temporary frozen or rather dead till 22nd November. which means after my Os.

i'm gonna be seriously motivated and yes. i'm gonna study. i have to. Chinese Os approaching. in 2 weeks time it'll be. well. what else can i say but to pray real hard for an a1. dont wanna retake in november. its a total waste of time and. it doesnt mean i'll do better than the first one in May. i'll study hard and pray hard. Hope i dont get a mental-block in the hall. i'll kill myself man. I dont know. its really important to me now. i cant apply for DAS (direct admission) cos of my horrendous Sec1 to 3 results. so i jus hafta wait till my prelims and Os.

i know what i really want. but i have to think abt it again. maybe i'll start thinking after Chinese Os results are out. JC or Poly? i'll be jus glad to enter either one. its ok.

this is going to be a long entry. cos itll be the last time i'm touching it till november. its really far from now. but time flies. its already May. i thought yesterdae was January. we jus started school. and now. in 2 weeks time, i'm sitting for my Chinese O level. scary, aint it?

ok. my entry's gonna end here but. i jus wanna tell fellow SJC-ian doing Mother Tongue O level that its gonna be tired and stressful for this period of time. but. u'll reap what you sow. alright? Do study hard and start now if u haven. cos only u noe urself best.

Prelim result out this Fridae and i dont really have a good feeling abt it. but i'll be optimistic and if i dont do well. i'll study harder. but seriously. This prelim was the first exam that i really really studied and put 90% of my effort into it. where's the other 10%? it's used for slacking. although i didnt regret but if the result turns out bad, i know i only have myself to blame. =)

yay!! all the best to Sec 4s and 5s for the upcoming wonderful national exam. haha!
not leaving out the Sec 4 NA girls doing their N levels. cheers to all!!

`May the peace of the Lord be with you all.

woah. i seriously wonder whether ppl know the meaning of colour contrast.
haha. hate reading blogs with black background and grey word. or dark colour words. like wth?? haha. wads their problem man. lol.


`ok! i noe wad to do. already. its gonna be mean.
`but. its only temporary. its not gonna last. =)
`i've found a way to not 'like' already.
`yay!! all praise me pls.
`hais. he's the second one.
`i shall tell Sandy and Dan personally.=)
`not here.
`it doesnt reflect a good side of my personality.
`thou i'm not good.

` my com cant read chinese
and its getting very irriting ur friends are trying to send you smth in chinese!

yes, this is so irritating. i cant read loads of files sent by my frens cos my com refuse to read the chinese words eh. how naughty. so different from the owner la.

alright. cooped myself up at home. life's so interesting.

got a song from a friend. its by a new singer Yu heng- yi ran shi peng you.
its nice. made me thought of my 2 friends. althou its not totally related and same.
but somehow. there's a gap between.

alright. i cant get this song outta my head alrdy.


`i thought over. but not carefully.
`that i think i'll let everything stay the way it is.
`no more no less.
`yupp. just like tt.
`ain't it good?

ok... sch tmr. i'm seriously getting tired of lookin forward to weekends everyday in weekdays. how boring can it get? wells. weekend's jus my life. O level's approaching. many events approaching. who cares. lol.


PS: ihatetheday.2405ofeveryyear.idetestit.
ihopethatdayofeveryyearwhillbeaweekend.
denidunhaftafaceppl.
callmecrazy

`sorry ppl, i will really appreciate if u guys dont ask me abt my entries.
`yeah? sorry.
`cos i don't know how to reply u guys.
`unless i really wanna tell you.
`yeah?
`sorry...

alright. everything's gonna be fine.
yeah, i noe its gonna be fine.
its gonna hurt for awhile.
but i can pull thru.

pms.moodswing.sad. wadever u call it
just aint feeling very well.

i dont know why.
and u can tell me.
"alright. i'm off"

i'm left with no choice.
i closed the window.
cried to myself.


you got me caught in btwn my friends
u tangled my heart.
u put me in dilemma.






`tellherthatyoudunwanhertoletyougo.
`whenemotionstookhold,icouldnthelpbutcry.
`neversayallthattomeagain.
`u'llnevercosu'llneverhavethechanceagain.



alright,dun ask me wads that for.i'll tell u if u wanna.

arghhh. nothing to do. just feel like blogging.
alright. went thru quite alot this few days.
something new, something pleasant. and so on.

got 27/30 for my oral.
wanted so much to do well in my chinese prelim oral.
i did it.
but. i dont think i'm happy with it.
eveyone's unhappy abt the three of us (qi, xin, me)
they think that Mrs Tan-Yu Dong is just being bias.
like what the.
have they ever thought of our feelings?
c'mon la. If they didnt do well.
dun blame others.
esp when their classmates get better grades.
really angry.
lets look at our Os then.

alright. enough abt the oral.
i noe it meant smth to everyone.
but not in the expense of ur friends' feelings.
yeah?

Its a holiday tmr.
gonna study real hard for my Chinese Prelim.
Wed's the day.
wish me luck?
i want an A1.

well, so many things happened within a week.


`maybe i dont have enough faith in him.
`that shouldn't be the case.
`i liked the way u sweet talk.
`i liked the way you tell me how pretty i am.

-why didn't i stop this when i noe we'll never have a happy ending?
-cos i simply fell so fast.
-too fast that i couldn't say no.